read it and weep
Name: Lisa e
ali edwards
California Fever
Collective Soul
Creaturebug
Dooce
Flower Nuts & Sugar
Julie the Great!
Pink Champagne High
she's so CUTE
twopeasinabucket
who can't live w/ garlic
WOW, you gotta read this
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I found this http://shes.aflightrisk.org/ . It's really cool! But, and maybe I'm just dumb, she talks wayyy over my head sometimes. Really wordy. I wonder if it's for real.
So it's July 4th. firecrackers. wow. The humidity is supposed to go down tomorrow and thru the weekend. I hate humidity.
I'm in the mood for movies.
Which brings me to the title of my post. I'm officially coining the phrase Katie Holmes It. Like don't Katie Holmes Christmas. Don't turn it into something it isn't. Or marry that nut but good actor Tom Cruise. But I'm not sure how to use the phrase in a sentence. Like when people say Don't Bogart the cheese. I have no idea what that means, did he like cheese?
So good people, thoughts? Feelings?
Don't you wish you could have an emotional trash day every week?
Wednesdays is our trash day. When I woke up this morning I started mentally going through what I had to do today and remembered it was trash day and that I was depressed. And I had a vision of dragging out a big trash cans labeled 'Fear' and 'Depression' and 'Laziness'. And the nice trash men would come and dump the contents in their big truck and haul it away. They'd leave nice empty cans for me to fill up for next week.
That makes me light headed thinking about it! Maybe I CAN take my mental garbage out every week and get rid of it. I can picture whatever I don't want to feel emotionally, like fear, being thrown away so I don't have to carry it with me.
I was thinking today how nice it would be to just be myself. You know? Just be able to not worry about what others think so much. I'm a nice person, I really am. I take other peoples feelings into consideration, I care about others, I'm not a racist, I try not to say offensive things. I love to laugh and making others laugh makes me feel good.
I guess I'm pretty much myself, but I stress about it. I feel like I would be happier if others liked me more. Isn't that ridiculous? that's just wrong. I have this sense that I'm being punished for something. For not going to mass, for not being a better stepmom. I don't think on a conscience level that God punishes, really. But I can't help but feel like there's a reason for why things happen, not just to me but to everyone. If you're good, good things happen. If you're bad, bad things happen. I know bad things happen to good people and all. But I think you know what I mean.
My stomach hurts, I think I've thought myself right into an ulcer!
That's to be said w/ a major question in my voice. As if to say "I was going that fast officer? nuh uh! No way"
Because I'm having a hard time believing it. I'm just so depressed. Meds helped some, but I'm stressed about my MIL, money, job. It's just very disheartning. Hubby hates his job so I feel like I need to be miserable in a job. Or at least IN a job!
I'd like to be into my knitting and scrapbooking, but I'm just not. This SUCKS.
We had a good day today. My oldest friend came over w/ her hubby and baby. We swam and talked, it was really nice. She's one of those few people I think: I could care less how I look, how my house looks, I just want to talk to HER!
So no job, I've got to do some MK this week! I need the money. I'm thinking too much about myself. I don't like it when I do that. I haven't drank in a couple of days. Amazing how clear the head is when you don't drink as much!
So today I actually had an MK appointment. And it HELD!! She didn't take off 10 minutes before I was due there, leaving me at the door ringing her bell like an idiot. Or call to cancel even. And she bought a couple of things. So it was a good day. but I was so nervous before hand I thought I would be the one to cancel. I start forgetting it's not about me, it's about them.
Still no word about any job! yikes. I can't believe I haven't even gotten a thanks but no thanks! I think I need to tweak the resume.
It's so nice here today. Our pool is almost ready, and it's in the mid 80-s now. It's just going to get hotter, they say.
I realized they other day a town I live near is really full of inbreds. Seriously. If you go to Wal-mart (which I despise!! , but am forced to go there occasionally) there are people whose mom has to be their husband/brother/aunt SOMETHING. I hate walmart because I come out of there feeling like I need a shower. Now give me a Target any day of the week!
I'm going thru guilt at this moment. Hubby is tired, his uniforms are tight, and here I sit in my pjs.
So I'm thinking about doing IT. IT is warm chattering. In MK, that's where you go out and if you see a sharp woman, you approach her and give her your business card in hopes that you can facial her sometime. Just typing that out it sounds so ridiculous! But I don't know what else to do!! I've done this before, and I feel good about it when I"ve done it because I give only true compliments to her. I don't just try to schmooz. And what customers I have won't hold classes or anything. Still haven't heard about a job.
Has this been the longest week or what?
Still no job. This has been one of the few times in my life I haven't been gainfully employed when I wanted to be. The company still hasn't called me. I tell myself to put it out of my mind, but easier said than done. I must have checked my messages a million times today-NOTHING! I left a message this moring so at least there's closure! but...
So it's Friday. I've got parmeson chicken in the oven w/ some brownies (not mixed together!). We're going to try to get away tomorrow, but shhhh. If we say that too loud, it'll blow up in our faces. Not that we should be spending any money. ugh. I don't know where we'll go or anything but it'd be nice to run away.
I'm watching Little Black Book and I hate it.
Ok, I realized yesterday that I've not said a lot about where I live. Not really what state, etc. But it's the midwest, I will say that.
This is in my side yard. That's our barn. We really got screwed on that when we built it. And that's a blackberry bush under the fence
This is what my brain was feeling like last week!
This is what my brain feels like this week:
Better, but needs mulch and a good watering!!
Peace out!
The dr. said he thinks I was having a reaction to stopping one rx I was on. He prescriped a different med for my depression. So that should help. I was so itchy yesterday!! I thought I'd scratch my eyebrows off.
No word on a job. I've given up, and started applying at places I really don't want to work, but I need to do something.
