read it and weep
Name: Lisa e
ali edwards
California Fever
Collective Soul
Creaturebug
Dooce
Flower Nuts & Sugar
Julie the Great!
Pink Champagne High
she's so CUTE
twopeasinabucket
who can't live w/ garlic
WOW, you gotta read this
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Here's my first FO (finished object) that I knitted. It's not perfect but I like it. It's a good just going out bag. But I JUST remember I was supposed to line this. Yikes. I'm not sure how to undo the side seams so I can go back and line it. Oh well. It's really just to throw some lipstick, id, and cash inside and go to dinner.
anyway, so I saw my parents yesterday. My mom broke her arm working in her garden a week ago. She tripped over a concrete chicken! Damn chicken! I feel so bad for her. She's in her 70's and this is her first broken bone! After 10 kids no less. We thought about going on one of the gambling boats last night. But the hotels were booked, and we were both tired (hubby and me)so we came on home. It was crowded when we stopped for dinner since the Indy 500 was over. Lots of drunks and shit! Amatures.
I've got bloggers block, caused by too much emotion in my life.
Looks like Z decided to start using his neices' babysitter for Greg and Bobby. I think it's for the best. They'll have kids to play w/ and more structure. I'll miss them though, especially "nuggleing" w/ Bobby in the morning!
So I'm looking for a job, stressing about money, stressing about MK, and I just want to win the lottery and quit worrying!
First, thank you to so many of you who commented here from reading Chez Miscarriage. I was feeling low and actually said on her blog I wished I was couragous enough to kill myself. I really don't think I could do it, but I was so low at that moment...
Since Saturday we've been dealing w/ my mother-in-law. Sweet, grandmotherly woman. She's lived in an assisted living facility for about 5 years. It's expensive but worth it. And she really has grown to love it. She broke her kneecap last week and her facility isn't equipped to take care of her like she needed. So she stayed her Sunday, Monday and today. We got her into a nursing home which isn't nearly as nice as where she normally lives. But my husband had to take 3 days off work so far, and we're quickly running out of her money to take care of her with. Yet a whole other set of problems. Hubby didn't sleep for days, he was falling apart. And taking it out on me, of course. Sunday was really bad. MIL , poor thing, was peeing EVERY WHERE! Which isn't like her, really. It ruined the chair. Not to mention she doesn't sleep! Bless her heart.
Bobby was with us all day and he was so good. Just patient, running around introducing himself to dr, nurses, etc. Hugging Grammy! It was adorable.
And speaking of Bobby, Z told hubby he's found another babysitter. So now I need to find a real JOB!
I'll post more later, but again thank you to all of you who are praying and thinking of me. Right back at all of you!!
Oh, I called this entry strawberrys because Bobby and I picked some in my garden today. Yummy! So red and perfect!
I hate my life. I can't even call this a life. It's an existance, and barely that. Yesterday, call from where MIL lives, she's complaining of leg pain. She had fallen. So she came here for the day. Got a call this morning, same thing. Took her to E.R. and she broke her knee cap. So she has to stay here for a couple of days. Our house is barely big enough for us! I swear I'm being punished for going to Mexico.
Who knows when this dr. they want her to see can see her. We had to open the back of our Monterro and literally shove her in to bring her home. Then she peed all over hubby. And of course I'm losing it, he's furious. I was dumb enough to call stepdaughter for help. She said she had plans. To play putt putt. I said this isn't a good day for company. She brings her boyfriend over any way. Can you believe it? I was like whatever. I hate this existance I exist.
I wish I could always be on vacation! I'm so tired of worrying. I worry about everything. Money, health, weight, our house, my family. It gets very old. I don't know if it's because I'm Catholic or what. It's hard to just relax. I wake up in worry mode and I got to bed the same way.
Hubby and I told Z I would continue to take care of the kids if he ( Z ) would get a set end time. His bosses are supposed to talk to him about it today. My actual "conditions" to continue working were that plus keeping their house clean and not getting grief from Greg about coming to our house. And I would agree to split the time this summer between my house and theirs. Hubby didn't want to mention that to Z yet. That kind of ticked me off because if he's not going to tell Z everything, it'll sound like we're being very demanding. Today, I'm planning on bringing them back here after Greg gets out of school. That's after I spend from 1130-3 pm there because Bobby gets done w/ school at 11:30. I'm so broke, I can't put much gas in the car, so I have to make my trips count. I'm hoping Z gets done w/ work early. I just talked to hubby, and it doesn't look good for either of them getting done early today. I keep DREADING Greg coming home. But I'm just going to put that out of my mind.
Hubby and I told Greg and Bobby's dad we all needed to find another solution to their child care needs. I feel so horrible.
As a bit of background, their dad, who we'll call Z, lost his wife and Greg and Bobby's mom, unexpectedly died right before Christmas 2004. She was 37, went in for routine surgery, and never came home. I felt called to take care of the boys. We know Z and the family because hubby works with him. It was a strong calling. I wanted to help. But with they type of work they do, they don't know when they'll be off at the end of the day. And Greg and a lot of times Bobby, throw a fit because they have to come to our house, about 15- 20 minutes from their house. I can understand why, their friends were right there on the same street. They ride their bikes together, it's real Mayberry! And hubby and I were starting to feel like it was just too much. He's got them signed up for tons of sports which I'm expected to cart them back and forth to. Their house is always a disaster. It was getting irritating because they weren't trying to help themselves, even a little. I won't pretend to understand what they're going through though.
So today hubby told Z that we needed to start looking for someone else. And I'm surprised by how horrible we feel. I guess because he was counting on us, and I really love Bobby. Greg, too, but it's harder. Hubby and Z talked for a long time on the phone, and we were all crying. I just feel like everyone's hearts' are ripped up.
He does have alternatives, but they aren't what Z wanted to do. Now he'll be forced to do it.
I slept till that time. I can't believe. I know it's the depression. I just could barely THINK of getting up. It was just too much. I finally did, the guilt won out. When will this go away?
So I took Greg and Bobby to the local Dairy Queen. I pulled up to the speaker box to order, and waited maybe ONE second and Greg yells, with allll his might (which is a lot) "Hurry Up!!". Did I mention he was loud? and Rude? Just then, the poor minimum wage earning girl greets us over the box. I said I was sorry, was in the middle of ordering and Bobby interupts and yells the same thing! I thought I'd die! I managed to order (chocolate milkshake, strawberry milkshake, banana split and blizzard with Heath candy) all the while apologizing. As we waited behind one other car, I scolded them about how embarrassed I was, how disappointed I was. I told them I was tempted to leave their food there! Or make them tell their dad. Then I had what I consider one of my greatest ideas! I said "when we get to the window, you will both apologize to her. Or I'm leaving your food."
So we get up to the window, and I told the girl the boys had something to say. And they apologized. I thought it was a good way to handle, personally!
And speaking of food! When will I stop eating! It's like I'm making up for the 6 weeks before Mexico. When husband isn't dieting, it's hard for me to. And I feel gross! I'm eating when I'm not even hungry. So I'm sure my body is adjusting to eating a lot.
And speaking of money! When will I make some? I'm so sick of worrying about it. Shouldn't I, at 37, be at a better place financial wise? I know the solution is my MK, but...
I'm considering taking on a success coach for my MK business. It's so expensive though. Has anyone had any personal experiance with a business coach?
I don't know if it's coming home after such a nice vacation or what but I'm very depressed today. I'm worried about money, and it looks like I'll have to take Bobby Brady to hi ssoccer game at 6pm. So it's going to be a long day.
I feel so overwhelmed by this house. It's such a wreck! I can't get Husband to pick ANYTHING up! I think he's a little blue, too. I can't move things into Stepdaughters now vacant room because she still has some things in it. And I don't want to start just throwing things in there without any thought.
I'm taking Zoloft but that has been making me feel dead inside. and don't even get me started on my sex drive! It's virtually non existant, much to Husbands disappointment.
